I find it difficult to decide what I want to do in the future. I don’t want be average, have a job I hate. I want to be great and do something I love. Most of the time I find my self dreaming. (I really do that a lot, too often i’m afraid) And I think dreaming is good. But one has to go for ones dreams. I think one of my biggest problems is that I am afraid to go for what I want.
I don’t know why. Maybe I am afraid to fail or maybe even success. Sometimes I realize that I actually might be afraid of what other people think. If they think it is stupid to want what I want. I don’t know if that makes sence.
I find myself in my room just watching different movies and tv shows and think to myself, why I don’t work hard or do something that would benefit my future. But it doesn’t get past that thinking phase. I am afraid that I end up working a shitty job, that I hate, for the rest of my life. But I still don’t do anything. And I hate myself for it sometimes.
Only thing I have done is painting. I love art. Creating it. Doing something beaudiful with my own hands and from scratch. But that is something I can do from my own room. And if I don’t like what I have done, I just never show it to anyone.
So I made a promise to myself. I will make a decision about my future within this year, and will take first steps to achieve my goal.